Being a blogger and working with social media you can often ask yourself how much of your personal life are you willing to share with your readers. I thought about this deeply and I think I can share something important with all of you and still keep some aspects of it private. It is important to always keep a balance between your private and public lives on social media because your personal life is sacred.
With that said I thought that sharing a bit of this with you might help some of you or even possibly give you some comfort in knowing that you are indeed not alone.
My mother passed away six days after my 8th birthday in 1984. With her passing she left a hole in my life that only a mother can fill and she also left me with knowledge that one day I will have to start journey that she herself could not finish. My mother passed away from breast cancer and by 21 I was getting mammograms. By my 30's I was getting them yearly and after I had my children I sought out a breast cancer surgeon. I figured it couldn't hurt to have such a doctor on my team if I wanted to live a full and healthy life.
I found the most amazing surgeon who understands me and who really gets why I do what I do. No, I do not like going for my yearly mammograms or paps or anything. I have had so many surgeries in my life due to my disability, when I had my children, and even post-natal issues with my kidneys that have honestly left me drained and not so keen about appointments. But every year I make them even though in the back of my head I tell myself I don't want to. Its like eating vegetables even though you may not like them you know they are good for you.
This year I went in for my mammogram/sonogram and then was told to have a biopsy. The day I received the results from my biopsy is the same day these photos were taken. I was in the city with my family doing some much needed vintage shopping when I received the news that I would have to see my surgeon earlier than planned. Well, needless to say that put me in a tailspin. Part of me was calm but some other silent part of me was losing it. As soon as we got out of the train I said to my husband, if this is going to be my day then I am buying myself some flowers. He usually is not a fan of flowers, he is more practical than I am and prefers plants, but I always loved freshly cut flowers. I bought them and I figured well if life is giving me lemons then I am treating myself to some flowers.
Usually you don't received messages like this unless it is something serious but the message was so vague it left me a bit shaken. Thankfully in the middle of acquiring my vintage haul I received another message but this time from my doctor who explained it is benign but that I would need a second biopsy as well as a surgery in the near future. It seems I have one of two types of breast fibroids and one is more aggressive than the other which can lead to cancer.
Do I feel relieved? Yes and no. I feel exhausted by this experience and its just the beginning. My close friends and family always say I am so brave but even a brave person can be scared. And scared I am.
There, that is what is happening. I hope you always put your health first despite your busy schedules or lack of love for the poking and prodding that doctors need to do.
This day I went from thinking I was very sick to learning that I am partially sick but either way I understand that I am doing all the right things and I am listening to my doctors instructions as well as taking a lot of deep breathes. Trying not to stress things doesn't work for me so I took a few days off for myself and vegged out a lot with my children. We watched movies and played and snuggled. Best medicine I could ask for.
This seems one of those situations when too much knowledge isn't helping. You know about breast cancer in the worst way. You live with Doctors and hospitals and tests as your personal reality meaning you can anticipate and worry from a very informed place and still it's a thing that you are not in control of that takes you to your place of greatest fear. I always think waiting/anticipating is one of the hardest parts of managing illness and healthcare. I wish you every strength as you go through this time of turmoil. I enjoy your blog and am grateful for the effort you go to make your corner of the world a place of love and joy. I always look forward to seeing colour and brightness when I visit and the way you rock a beret. All the best, Merrian
ReplyDeleteThank you Merrian for those kind and supportive towards me. It means so very much!!! xox Daffny
DeleteLots of love to you, Daffny. I always say to my daughter that you can be scared and brave at the same time. Everyone gets scared, but brave is about who you are and how you act. I'll be thinking of you and I hope it all goes well from here. Rest, relax and enjoy your flowers.
ReplyDeleteOh Tanith you are so good to me. Thank you. You're right. It is okay to be scared and I promise I will be brave! Hugs!! xox Daffny
DeleteFirst, I am sorry you had to face such a struggle at such a young age, and I love that you went in for exams early on.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I hope that all goes smoothly for you in the future, and you are certainly in my thoughts as you move forward with this process.
Third, as a fellow blogger I understand the struggle of deciding how much of your personal life to share on the blog. I admire you for being so honest and open about this, and it is certainly inspiring.
xoxo
-Janey
Janey, you're such a joy. Thank you, truly. I really appreciate your support and kindness as I go through this journey. Much love! xox Daffny
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