Confession. I have gained ten pounds since the pandemic lockdown. Inactivity has been cruel to me because without the ability to get out of the house and be active I have become a weight that I never, ever have been in my entire life. You can see the difference in my face and it goes directly to my midsection. How does it make me feel you wonder? Honestly I have been quietly struggling with it. I have been careful with how I eat per usual, attempting to take walks when I can, always busy at home, and taking my vitamins. I have been on the search for some exercise videos which are hard to find because with my disability there are a lot of things I have a hard time doing. But I haven't really been feeling good about this.
Did I tell you I can't fit into my favorite jeans? Can I also tell you how gut wrenching that has been for me? I always keep in inner dialogue with myself where I remind myself that I am in in 40's, I did have three kids, I am Latina, and I am disabled. So I do not expect to be slim like I was in my twenties but lately I have had a harder time managing the positive inner dialogue.
The other day I decided out of the blue to just throw on a cute outfit to create some content and walked over to the park with the kids. I slapped on some lipstick and brushed my hair and twirled about in the park for my shoots. But I have become very self conscious about two things; my midsection and the way I walk. Both horrible in my book but probably not as horrible as I think they are. Thats the trouble with negative inner thoughts and allowing them to wash over you. The negative thoughts slowly feel like a weight on your shoulders and they become heavy.
At the park my daughter randomly started telling me how cute I am. I asked her,"Who me?" and she said," Yes mom you!" And if there is one person I trust immensely it is my daughter. My daughter and I talk a lot about body image and thinking positive and working on remembering things that we love about ourselves. We also talk about being forgiving for the things we think are "wrong" with ourselves. She made me feel good and totally cute. I walked with a spring in my crooked step and felt happier about it all.
That day was a good reminder about forgiving myself for my imperfections. It was also a good day to begin to reevaluate how I have been viewing my looks. Reminding myself to be kind to myself and that in my own way I am still as beautiful as I was when I was ten pounds lighter.
I want you to look at this list and ask yourself if you have done any of these things to yourself. If you answer yes to a few of these you just might be compromising your self-esteem and self-worth without even realizing it.
- You feel lost or overwhelmed when it comes to knowing what to wear.
- You buy clothes and realize it doesn't feel right but you keep wearing it anyway.
- You rush the shopping process and just grab whatever is there.
- You buy pretty things but never wear them because you tell yourself you need to lose or gain weight before you can really look good in them.
- You choose you clothing by asking others what they think instead of relying on your own tastes.
- You avoid meeting new people because of your appearance.
- You give up even before go shopping because you figure, "what's the point?"
- When the negative thoughts begin to creep in, literally tell yourself to "SHUT UP!" Who needs to hear that nonsense anyway. Certainly not you.
- Start using more positive language when you have inner dialogue with yourself.
- Toss out the way the world views beauty because aside from the fact that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, different places view people differently. Curvy women might not be seen as gorgeous in one part of the world and in another part of the world it is the ideal of beauty.
- Buy clothing that you love and that you feel really good in.
- Ignore the sizing chart. Buy the size that fits your figure best.
- Trust your tastes and sense of style. We all have it and allow yourself to explore fashion in a fun way.
- Give yourself positive feedback. Someone else might think your butt is too big in a skirt but your butt is probably big so remind yourself you feel and look good with what you are wearing.
- Dress in clothes that reflect who you are. Wear what makes you feel comfy and happy.
- Push aside thoughts about other woman and remind yourself that you are who YOU are. You are this certain age, with this certain figure, so work with what you have. Not against it.
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