Classic Cinema Spotlight: Terms of Endearment (1983)

A Vintage Nerd, Terms of Endearment (1983), Classic Movie Blog, Retro Lifestyle Blog, Tearjerker Movies

I can somehow cry a river of tears for a video about cats or a grandpa holding hands with his grandbaby but when it comes to films I only have a handful that I have actually sobbed to. I mean a good, deep cry for films like After the Promise (1987), Lady Jane (1986), or Imitation of Life (1959). But there is also another film that never fails to give me a good cry, Terms of Endearment (1983).

It all begins with a mother and her all consuming devotion to her daughter. From the very first scenes Aurora Greenway (Shirley MacLaine) is shown as overprotective with her infant daughter Emma. Through the years they continue to form a close bond especially after the passing of Emma's father (who was voiced by Albert Brooks). Little Emma invites Aurora into her bed because she recognizes that her mother doesn't want to be alone. Its that act that becomes the beginning of their tight knit, semi-clingy relationship. As Emma (Debra Winger) grows up they share all their secrets together with Emma learning how to navigate Aurora's all encompassing commitment to her while still maintaining her own autonomy.

Emma grows up but is eager to create a life for herself away from her mother. She marries a young college professor named Flap Horton (Jeff Daniels) who Aurora is wary of. She threatens that she won't attend their wedding and she makes good on her word. Despite this Emma and Aurora keep in touch as usual always sharing every part of their lives with each other. Shortly after her wedding Emma gets pregnant with her first child which agitates Aurora who fears getting older.

Sometime later Emma finds out that Flap got a job in Iowa and begrudgingly has to move. Emma is obviously unhappy to move away from her home in Houston and leave her mother but she does so as the dutiful wife. Even though there is distance between mother and daughter they talk often sharing all their drama and frustration. Life in Iowa proves to be rough for Emma who stays home all day with her children and struggles financially. One day she meets a kind banker named Sam Burns (John Lithgow) while on line to pay for groceries. Emma finds that she doesn't have enough money and Sam graciously offers to pay the difference. Eventually she reaches out to her mother for financial support all the while Aurora urges Emma to leave Flap.

The stories of both mother and daughter parallel often especially when it comes to their romantic lives. Widowed Aurora is lonely but she surrounds herself with male companions like Vernon Dalhart (Danny DeVito) and Edward Johnson (Norman Bennett) who swoon at her every word but she fears true connection. That is until she unexpectedly pursues her promiscuous astronaut neighbor, Garrett Breedlove (Jack Nicholson). Sparks fly and Aurora lets down her guard long enough to becomes lovers. Emma is fearless with her love towards her husband but easily sacrifices her own individuality to cater to his every need. That is until she begins to realize that Flap rarely helps out with the children, is completely oblivious to their financial situation, and is having an affair with a grad student. Emma ends up unexpectantly forming a connection with Sam and they finding solace with each other.

Before Emma and Flap can address the issues in their marriage they find out they are now moving to Nebraska. Back and forth Emma and Flap muddle through life and have a third child. Aurora struggles with Garrett who fears commitment and Emma struggles with the knowledge that her husband who she devoted so much of her own life for moved their family to Nebraska so he could still be with his mistress. Life is messy for Aurora and Emma but they try and support each other the best ways they can even though they often don't see eye to eye. It's in Nebraska that Emma's doctor discovers that Emma has a lump around her breast. Diagnosed with cancer Emma pushes through everything calmly trusting her doctors while Aurora demands better treatment for her daughter.

Patsy (Lisa Hart Carroll), Emma's lifelong friend invites her to explore New York and get away from her martial woes and diagnoses. Emma meets Patsy's friends who are shocked that Emma never worked and was a stay at home mom. Emma finds out that Patsy told everyone she knew about her cancer. Emma facing an unknown future addresses to Patsy that she is not comfortable with the world that she is a part of. When Emma returns home she is told that her cancer is terminal. Aurora and Flap stay by Emma's side while Emma has to decide who gets to care for her three children. Ultimately the dying Emma shows her deep love for her mother by entrusting her children to her care.

I have watched this film many times at different ages and stages in my life. I decided to rewatch it during this past Mother's Day with my three children who are now teenagers. They have never seen it before and I knew it was a hard subject but it is one that is close to my heart. My own mother died of cancer at 34 years old in 1984. When Emma is talking to her sons because she knows she will pass on soon reminded me of the last time I saw my mother. Although I do not remember a lot, there are some moments that are forever etched into my mind. Viewing it this time around at this particular time in my life I found myself crying especially with the final scenes. Aurora's protective dedication to her daughter reminded me of the way I feel about my kids. Emma's awkward talk with her sons reminded me how sometimes I don't always know what words to use when I am talking to mine. That look of love and knowing between Emma and Aurora just before she passes on-I often find myself giving my children those looks. That unspoken, intimate, deep connection you can have with another person but those people just happen to have grown inside of you once upon a time. This film tells a story about messy people going about life chaotically and imperfectly but always leading with love.