"Why be normal?" is the question I share with you today. I was doing my usual organizing when I came across this pin I used to wear. I wore it in the early 1990's when I was just a teenager. I share it with you now because I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me "Oh, I thought you were normal" or "You are so weird". These questions have been asked since I was about 11 years old. I am sure they were asked before that but that is when I remember that being asked of me.
Okay so I was the white girl (I'm Puerto Rican) in a predominantly brown neighborhood and despite being of similar cultures (it was a mostly Dominican neighborhood), I was never seen as Latina enough. All these years later for some odd reason no one can believe that I am where my family is from. And yes I find it infuriating. I was also the girl who didn't have a mother. I mean, of course I have a mother, but she wasn't here she was elsewhere (floating around hopefully in some pretty garden of clouds). And I was the girl who walked entirely on her toes. Prior to my first corrective surgery at 13 I was completely on my toes. Its safe to say I was weird, especially to the eye. I must have been this very odd thing out indeed. But my family never said I was. The people who loved me rarely understood me but they loved me enough to never make me feel like I was out of sorts, not normal.
Fast forward through High School where I was again thought of as weird. Then college where I remember being told I was weird because I was too nice of a person. Even when I grew up and became a teacher, I didn't fit in with the other teachers because I was more open and less rigid and closed off from the world. Now as a mom, you guessed it, still weird, still being told I am weird, still not fitting in.
Then sometime ago it hit me that I am my OWN NORMAL. Frankly we all are. I am perfectly imperfect. Everyday I start fresh. Everyday I muddle through the pains from my disability or whatever other challenge I have to face and I try and find something positive about my day. I find something to be joyful about even in the horrible days. I have to. All those years of being made fun of, of being ignored, being treated like I don't belong, being stared at like I was ugly and horrible, being told I was too nice, too kind, too happy. I knew every person who has said those things to me that they saw in themselves the inability to love themselves fully for exactly who and what they are.
See, I may have some faults and imperfections but I work hard at my relationship with myself. How have I gotten up everyday to face loneliness or loss or pain? I have a constant inner dialogue with myself. I decide everyday that I love myself and that its going to be okay.
So what be normal? Why not be yourself? Social media likes to say you should be authentic and true to yourself. What does that even mean sometimes? We are all on a journey and if we choose we can grow and evolve in that journey. No, I'm not normal. I wear plastic braces on my legs, I like to pray, I love to make lists, I watch shows like Penny Dreadful, Rewatch films over and over, I like to read, to listen to music on my headphones before I go to sleep, I listen to the Bee Gees then to Pink then to Queen, I wear braided pigtails with berets, I like to hug the people I trust, I love to tell people they look beautiful if they do, I kiss my children anywhere from 30-40 times a day because they are delicious, I kiss my kittens as much as they let me before they squirm away, I eat until I'm fully, I love virgin Pina coladas, I'm passionate about the past especially the 1960's, and I use phrases like "pretty, pretty (Barbarella) from classic films.
I could go on and on but hey I'm okay with being weird. I am different and so are you. Its fine and we all our own NORMAL.
Completely yes to this. One of the things I am loving about growing older is learning what my normal is, what I like, what I don't and what feels like me. Also learning that we are all weird and that's rather brilliant too.
ReplyDeleteI find this to be one of the unexpected beauties of getting older. And I'm grateful to be able to see things more clearly. Thank you for your lovely comment! xox
DeleteThe older i get the more i realize everyone felt like you did as a kid ...if they looked normal they were faking it! I still dont fit in as a childless furmuma but im okay with it happiness comes from within. once you strip away the job the material items what are you left with ..you. and you are perfect.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. Now if everyone else can see clearly like you do then we will have happier people in this world. Thank you babes! xox
DeleteYes! All of this!!! Normal is boring!
ReplyDeletexoxo
-Janey