Don't Believe Everything You See

by - June 17, 2014

avintagenerd

I have been noticing and reading a lot of this on social networks sites especially on sites run by bloggers:

"I'm so Jealous!"

"I wish I were you!"

"I wish I had your _______"

"You are PERFECT!"

"I can't do "this or that" because "of whatever reason" so I am Jealous!"

avintagenerd

Ladies, enough of this nonsense. Seriously. Do people really believe perfection exists in this world? Um, no it doesn't. Then why even use the word?

Okay so a blogger has a size two waist. She is only 20 years old. Give the girl a break. She has had no children and her diet may consist of salads and fruit all day long. That isn't a bad thing. It's just her lifestyle.

This blogger is so curvaceous. It may be in her genes or in her cultural background or just sheer luck of the draw.

Her hair is so perfect-I wish my hair was straight. People with straight hair wish there hair could curl and use about ten different products just to get a curl in. My mom had pin straight hair and it would drive her mad when her curls fell down after an hour of taking off her rollers.

Oh I wish I could have this blogger's wardrobe. Perhaps that blogger has a means to have such a vast wardrobe. Perhaps they don't know what else to do with all their money so they shop til they drop. Perhaps they have no children or a mortgage or any big bills so they can buy $150 dress every two days. Good for them. I don't think there should be any shame in having or in not having.

avintagenerd

So what is a girl to do when she just desires everything that someone else has. Listen up girls because you are talking to the girl who is 38 years old, has three children, a mortgage, lives in the most expensive city in America, is 5 "3" tall, is fair skinned, doesn't have straight hair, cannot wear any shoes at all unless both legs are encased in plastic braces, has a big butt, has a post-babies pouch, etc, blah, blah, blah. The list can go on.

I can sit down and complain and wish I were blonde, taller, rich, had a nanny, a maid, and on and on. Oh please! Why should I waste my energy on that? Is it going to change by complaining? It just won't.

Don't go around wishing you looked like someone else or had everything they had. Trust me...TRUST ME...those people if you knew them personally you would find out they may be lonely, disatisfied with their lives, insecure, unhappy, bitter, immature, etc. We don't know the people we see online. We only assume because they post amazing photos that their lives are "perfect" and amazing.

They may even work really, really hard at taking photos of beautiful things in the hopes that you DO believe they have amazing lives.

avintagenerd

A few points that may help you along while surfing the social network wave:

  1. Take what you see online with a grain of salt. We really don't know other peoples struggles and their projection of "perfection" I promise you is far from the truth and reality.
  2. If you don't like something about yourself-work on it, accept it, or discard it. 
  3. Look at yourself in the mirror and find all the magical and wonderful things about yourself that are amazing and focus on that. Don't focus on your height or weight but how you can make those parts of yourself work for you rather than work against you.
  4. Remind yourself that you are beautiful because trust me, TRUST ME...you are.
  5. Don't believe the hype. When you see someone posting every photo online about their face, their body, their hair, their home....ask yourself these questions: Do you have anything else in their life other than what they are showing? Do they really need this much attention? If they do, why would I look up to someone who needs approval from thousands of unknown strangers? Why can't they be happy with their own approval?
avintagenerd

Next time you are drooling over the photos in someone's post or instagram keep in mind that they aren't perfect, that they take a great deal of time to project this image of their lives, and that you don't personally know them.

Take a look at your own life and find all the wonderful things that are in it and celebrate them and celebrate YOU. 

Let's not harp on what we don't have or will NEVER have. I will never ever in this lifetime be able to slip on high heels shoes and walk in them. What am I going to do? There is NOTHING I can do.  

What I can do if find how I can make my own self SPARKLE and my own body SHINE just as it is.

I hope you try and do the same. If you feel that you can't. I will be here to tell you that YOU CAN.

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17 comments

  1. OOOh. I like this post. Good job and fabulous food for thought.

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  2. This is a very nice post. I am so much happier with how I look now at 36 then I was at 26

    retro rover

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  3. Brava! This is a splendid post and very true. I think sometimes people get a little too caught up in the image put forth by a blog (perhaps a little like celebrity worship) and it's easy to forget that we're all just real people with real strengths, real weaknesses, real jobs, etc. The image perpetuated by a blog is only one part of the blogger's life. In the end, time is better spent appreciating your own strengths rather than wishing you looked like someone else.

    Cheers!
    Jenny

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  4. I don't think I've ever wished I was someone else. I just wish I was a better version of myself lol. Everybody does, it's human nature. The comments you've mentioned in your post they're not restricted to talk of blogs or magazines, they happen in coffee shops, schools and libraries. This kind of talk is everywhere, and it doesn't necessarily stem from insecurity or self loathing, some people do it just for the sake of conversation. For example, I could say "wow your waist is so tiny, I wish mine was!" without actually meaning that I want your waist size. I know a lot of people who just say this sort of thing as a compliment, like implying that they're envious makes the compliment better somehow, strange but true. I also know people who make these comments just so they can have their own personal pity party. There are plenty of girls who look smashing - and know it - but will say they envy ___ from some girl, just so the other girl can go to her and be like, "that's not true, you're soooooo pretty." So that might account for the number of these comments you see. I agree that we should start to value ourselves more for our unique individual qualities. I would love to see size shaming put to a complete end...

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  5. Oh yes! And it's so easy to forget that you are only seeing one tiny slice of the person's life on the internet! And on the topic of wardrobe envy, it takes a long time to build up a good wardrobe. I've been wearing vintage for four years and I'm only now just getting to the point where I've built up a big enough (and well curated) wardrobe to dress vintage all the time.

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  6. What a wonderful post. I will admit, I am very guilty of being jealous of certain people's wardrobes(the sad truth is I am a very, very jealous person and it's something I really need to work on), and I have received many comments like these on my own blog or Instagram. And sometimes it can be awkward, because you yourself know the truth behind what you do and what you post.

    xoxo
    -Janey

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  7. Daffny, that post warrants a massive round of applause and should be mandatory reading for every woman (and man) the world over, especially those in the fashion (be it vintage or modern) blogging sphere. I've written before too about the importance of not constantly comparing yourself to others because it's something that I see time and time again in our world. It's fine to look up to someone, strive to better yourself (your wardrobe, your hair, etc), and to admire another's appearance or life, but you end up wasting a valuable part of yours if you continually fill your days with pointless envy and needless comparisons. The grass is always greener on the other side, as they say, and I'm sure that for each person out there who is coveting another person's looks, wardrobe, money, seemingly perfect life, etc, there's another who would trade spots with the first individual sight unseen.

    Thank you very much for speaking up on a topic that dearly needs more exposure.

    ♥ Jessica

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  8. Thank you, very thought provoking and helpful x

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  9. Very well said, so hard not to compare- and it is the thief of joy.
    Marie @ In Our Happy Place

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  10. Fantastic post for all of us to keep in mind.

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  11. This is a wonderful post, and I sincerely appreciate you for writing about this. I think you make a lot of great points about not getting too caught up in how perfect things can see on the internet - it's important to keep in mind that on blogs, instagram, etc, people are presenting the best possible versions of themselves, and it's really unhealthy to start to think that that's how you, as a real person in the real world, should be. It's easy to get bogged down in blogger envy, where you feel this hopeless rush of longing and dissatisfaction with yourself every time you check in on someone whom you admire.
    That said, I shop within my means, have lots of nice stuff, and am pretty happy with my wardrobe, but there are still ladies out there who give me a little case of wardrobe envy. And I'm cool with that. ;)
    Cheers!
    Jessica, cakesandcakesvintage.blogspot.com

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  12. A fabulous topic to bring awareness too. I try to look at things from an artistic perspective and this put things more into perspective. Of course, I have seen items and set out on a quest to see if I could find something similar or the same. I think I get more wardrobe envy from looking at old magazines as I know there is no way I'll be able to go to the shop and buy some of these gems lol. But, it doesn't stop me from admiring the beauty of the time period. Brings to mind the 80s tune…."Don't worry be happy"…"do da do da do"

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  13. What a fantastic topic! :-)

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  14. This is a great post, and totally spot on! Well said, Daffny! Also: I am SO JEALOUS of the lady in that last picture because I WISH I HAD that yellow and orange outfit!!!!!!!!! :P

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  15. This was amazing, I actually found this because another blogger, cakes and cakes vintage mentioned this post being so insightful and she was so right. The blogging world can bring on so much envy but not everyone can be all of those things and who knows there could be someone out there reading your blog wishing they had this or that. Point is be thankful for what we have and happy!
    Justine
    http://theredlipchronicles.blogspot.com

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  16. Truthfuly,
    So many of us need this. I am too masculine, my hair is too short, my nails break all the time, I lack clothes.. and then I switch back to thinking about what's the good thing O have.. We all have great features in ourselves. And the strangest thing is that other people notice our good things (gosh, some people envy us for having this and that).. Other peple say "you have green eyes", where we sit around moping about our "two left feet".

    Stellar post.

    Hug
    Marija

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  17. Fantastic post. :) Even in the Stepford Wives they realized that perfect didn't do. I am not envious, I can honestly say that. I love my life and think my fifty year old figure is OK. Sometimes I wish I was a bit smaller and had a tiny waist, but this is only so I could fit into all the lovely vintage dresses. My mother wore plastic bandages on her legs too, so this is not unfamiliar to me. But I do think you look so lovely, dear. I also thought that perhaps some of the statements are just clumsy compliments.

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